Part I "First time,Romantica".

People often ask me how I recall my first day at school,well if I say that I remember it "Down to the last drop" like we Georgians say,then I would be lying.It all seems like a blig blur to me now,but I remember some of the more important details,actually my first day at school was my first romance,however like most of them,it was one sided.Let's get started.
After a mad dash through the corridors of the 177th school,I found myself in a small but wildly decorated room.The pictures on the walls and the old atmosphere,it still had the smell of old paper sheets which I still remember.The romm was lively not because of the various colours in it,but because of us,the next generation,a bright youth filled with dreams and hope,oh,how naive we all were while we were young.I didn't even know theire names,but it all seemed quite familiar to me,and even as I searched for my mother with hungry eyes,hungry for motherly love,I failed to understand the meaning of it all.The teacher,a plump but still young woman called May,took my hand and led me to the circle of children,somewhy instinctively I followed without hesitation,as if it was imprinted into my being that I would be happy there.
The children all gathered,I could barely count to 20 back then,believe it or not I wasn't really the "Honour student" in the early years of study,but I counted 17 of us.I silently thought to myself "So many!How can I remember all of their names!",then it hit me,there was a lovely creature sitting just across me in the circle,a small cute being called a girl,blue eyes and long blond hair,she was thin but I felt an attraction to her from that first moment.To tell you the truth I was never an outgoing type of person,the only women I have ever seen were my 2 sisters,and they were twice my age,and we all have to admit that is quite a long distance in age.So that was the first sensation I got from school,not much of an experience have to agree,I spend the rest of all the lessons staring at her or writing down the books I needed,I only looked away when my surname was called.
Elementary school,I remember it so vividly,I found out only the following day the girl's name was Anne,and she had been my neighbour for some time.How the mighty walls of hate fall on the sheer mention of love,for a long time a very long time I watched her from the side,even though I had sworn to myself not to fall in love untill I had a proper job,I started gathering my pocket money to buy everything neded for a wedding.Then it hit me,cold and hard,I didn't even know whether she would say yes or no!
So I spent the rest 5 days thinking about it,yes or no,every fact that made sure she would say "Yes",counterweighted to everything she would say "No" for.I will be honest on this,I was quite a stereotype for a cute "Child" in my youth,I had those big pink cheeks and an innocent look to back it up.The only thing I lacked was experience,and to add to that I wasn't the brightest pickle in the jar either.I am sure my family will read this,I never told them about my affairs,I only leaked a few words here and there and I still do,I guess that is normal in a way.I hated writing all my childhood and I still do,that being ironic to me writing this right now.Well after the first year of study,I had matured a little,and I gathered all my courage and walked up to her,still trying to resist eye contact.I smile when I remember how innocent we were,how innocent all of us were,back then.
　
I walked up,growing redder and redder as I got close,till I collapsed on my knee and took her hand,as I had seen in movies,for a few minutes I couldn't breathe,even more I couldn't say anything,it seemed everything was shaking around me,I quietly mumbled "Will you me?" And a tear fell from my eye right on her hand.She blushed at first,in reaction I tried to move closer,but it looked like I stepped on her foot and we both went down,my falling on her.When I got up on my hands,it seemed to me like the loveliest moment just happened,I was gazing right in to her blue eyes,eyes I still remember to this day.If only I could stay like that forever,only thing that went through my head at the time was love,love I had grown to hate for some time,but which forever tempted me,time and time again.When I got back home,I immedeatly went to bed,I was burning from the inside,was it shame,love or whatever else,it was painful.For three days after I had a high fever.But I still wanted to go to school just to experience the gaze of those lovely eyes.My parents didn't know what was going on,and I did my best to hide it from them.
　
That was my first love,first of so many,so many I have never told about,so many I hid from everyone.They say,love is the daughter of pain,ever alluring it gazes at you,inflicting more pain then any wound ever could.The following year,she moved away,I cried about it for a long time,but I was a child and got used to it rather quickly.Also the following year a new child entered our class,her name was Mariah and she was my first serious love,I loved her for 2 years,and though it was one sided I still felt happy.
　
Black wavy hair,and black eyes,a combination of beauty that had me by the leash for years,and the marks still burn to this day,burn of a meaningless purpose.I walked up to say hello but only thing I could do was babble meaninglessly,over and over trying to say the same word in georgian,I tried and spewed up a Russian "Privet".I wonder how silly I looked through here eyes,a boy without an athletic build,without any sign of cleverness whatever,a plain drop in the sea.We all are a drop in the sea,though every drop is different,as every heart is different,I have a first hand experience of how different,how special.

Only thing I was good at from youth was my English,I used to watch lots of cartoons,and never left the Tv screen for a moment.I remember all the effort I had to use to understand math,even though I had private teachers,I still struggled for even the minimal accomplishments.But not untill I was 9 I found the meaning of the word romance.Don't tell me I'm selfish,I long know about it,and it is exactly what makes me who I am,every trait of our character does.I am naive,and ever arrogant as many teenagers of my age,I never deny my faults.Can you count all the times I said "I" up untill now?I bet you can't.
The crushing lust that rules over man,how every one of us succombs to pure instinct,It makes me sick.Is the image of pure love old?Can we say it is ageless?Do not kid me,I far know that there is no such thing!Call me hypocrite for falling in love many times,and still denying it,call me cynical,call me a liar!But can you really deny anything in the world?Can you approve it?.Image of a flower in the mirror,the image of the moon in a water pond,everything that is real,but you can never touch.Then does it really exist?We can argue for hours,but not prove a thing,we can always be together,but always feel lonely.Waking up from everything in the world,and all seeming like an endless dream,I remember the pain that love causes,but let me share it with you.
Everytime I wake up and everytime I go to bed,all the tears I have shed look back at me,this is the meaning of love,The First time,Romantica.

Introduction.

Hello,my name is Ludwig,and to say I am not really good at communicating with people,mainly as I stay silent but I write a lot,a friend concivnced me that my works were at least some good,so I will be editing my works as I write them here,the work I will be adding first is "Blooming rose,Romantica",on which im still working on,if you want to get to know me then you may freely ask,also please post feedback on my work.Thanks!